Stress – Just a Thought

‘Stress is the body’s reaction to any change that requires an adjustment or response.’

I’m a natural born stresser, it annoys and frustrates me in unequal measures, but it’s what I do. I’m often told not to stress so much, but the more I try to not, the more stressed I actually become.  \It’s a contradiction almost that the act of trying to destress causes an exponentially greater amount of tension. Sometimes I wonder if that’s because my body is so used to the state that it actually struggles to cope without it.

Stress appears to be such a modern day illness or affliction, it’s such a prominent part of our lives whether intended or not. I often reflect and wonder if we are all a little addicted to it? Not in a narcissistic or masochistic way, but in the sense that feeling stress reminds us that in an inhuman world, we are in fact human. We do feel, can feel, we need a release and an outlet that maybe otherwise we just wouldn’t find.

Stress is almost (I think) the acceptable face of worry, anger, turmoil and the sudden snap we all eventually have.

Stress; a catch many term that increasingly seems to rule, the new sovereign of the future world that we all walk towards with eager trepidation.

Good old friend stress.




Little Things

I’m still trying to write, trying. So today I thought I’d share something a little insightful about myself. Sharing about the self is the most difficult thing to do as it means laying yourself vulnerable to outside intrusion and judgement. 


Nature, or rather being out in nature, always makes me feel a little brighter inside. There is something about watching ducks gliding across a lake, sparrows squabbling on a bird feeder, and geese tending their young that just fills my being with a swarming of warmth and joy.

This isn’t a sudden found realisation born from searching for light in the cloudiness, I have always felt like this. Even when times are dreary and heaviness hangs in my chest like lead laden concrete, watching nature’s wonders always brings sunshine. 

I wish I could really explain it, or maybe actually it is better that I cannot. I do believe that somethings just are and don’t need to be analysed and dissected into tiny pieces. This is the one part of my psyche that I have never questioned, doubted or sought to find a reason as to why. 

So I am looking forward to spring, and the beginning of new journeys and especially watching last years chicks starting on with their own adult lives.

I am looking forward to the little things, and most importantly I am looking forward.




16th August 2014

This was the date of my last post, but it truth it was January the 30th when I really stopped blogging. Something in me changed, snapped I suppose, and the thing I loved the most in the world became marred and dirty.

Writing has become like a scar with knotted fibres that can’t be undone. Words seem lost and the will I have, the need and the desire are all hindered by a mind that has become stymied and polluted in memory.

I have lost the part of me that drove my dreams and I miss it so desperately that I would mourn it if I knew how to. Instead I rue missed chances and scratch for thoughts and sentences that were once so easy and flowed in floods across my notebook pages.

But (and there is always a but), I want to believe I can regain them, not for anyone else but myself. To help close the void, stir up the inertia and to fuel the fire to warm the darkness. Most of all because I miss it.

I’m not sure if this is the start of anything, but the important thing is I am trying. If you don’t try then there can be no spark of hope. Without a spark of hope there is no belief. Without belief there is no sense in trying.

Jabs 7.1.16


Love A Thought


                     Love is fragile and yet strong, full but can be so empty. Love is happiness and loneliness, healing and yet lethal.
                     Love is both the same and opposite sides of the coin of life; so much so, that it becomes our greatest fear as well as our ultimate desire.
                     Those that have it often waste it, those who don’t scratch around for the crumb remnants of it. We spend so much time thinking about, searching for and then dissecting love that how often do we actually stop and just bathe in its encompassing warmth? How often do we just miss the fact it is actually in our lives, just not in the form we hoped for or expected?

April 2014

January 2014


                     January 2014 felt like the longest and the shortest month of my life. The start of the year has tattooed me in a unique way that is neither good nor bad, but just is. It was a beginning and an end, and yet also the middle of something far bigger than one month could ever be.

                     I have closed old doors and started to open new portals. I have found new people and lost people from my life; and though some of these losses are for the best for me, there are those that feel like they are not.

                     This month I have lost contact with some and yet reconnected with others that have been out of my life for years. There are people who have come into and walked back out of my life just as quickly for their own reasons. However I feel no regret or bad will but hope they know I will always be there for them if they need me.

                     I have felt loss, pain, loneliness, and anger but also been able to find closure to some pains I never thought I ever could. I have felt warmth, love, closeness and belonging but also have realised how strong my own foundations are, and if they do falter I will always have support. I feel in control and within chaos but I equally have no fear in either just belief in a future I know I can have if I work for it.

Feb 14